It's ironic that two bleedin' days after my patrons scold me into making a doctor's appointment and getting back on my meds that I end up in the hospital. I drove myself to Swedish/Providence around midnight on Thanksgiving, another stupidity for which I got gobs of scolding. I knew that what I was experiencing was similar to when I had my heart attack in 2003. My second night in hospital one doktor who was looking over test results came in and said something like, "Your heart condition has gone from so-&-so to severe." I didn't know what he meant, but I began to prepare for my death, as a proper Drama Queen should. When my niece Brandee phoned, I told her to bring the copy of the Tampa University Press single edition of The Case of Charles Dexter Ward that I had just started reading and was on my bedside table to the hospital--if I was gonna die in hospital, I wou'd die with that book on my breast, above my wither'd heart.
|ye trade pb edition of S. T.s wonderful annotated THE CASE OF CHARLES DEXTER WARD|
Well, I didn't die with the book on me breast, and then S. T. shew'd up with his girlfriend Mary (bringing some wonderful lilies, those flowers of Death), so I had him sign ye book. My room that moment was packed with S. T., Jessica Salmonson, Eileen Gunn, and others--and then two Mormon gents entered as well to give me a blessing with holy consecrated oil. Everyone left the room quickly as the Mormons came in except S. T., and I thought he was gonna stay witness ye Mormon hoodoo--but then he left as well.
My beloved companion, Ghostboy, took over taking care of my mother, and he did and is doing an excellent job. I think the heavy lifting that is required for taking care of mom added to the strain on my heart. We have decided to put mother into a rest home, and thus my future is indeed a mystery.
I have been weak and listless all day. I can come down here to the basement to do Internet things for half an hour, and then I need to return to bed. I have no energy and breathing is at times difficult. I was on oxygen at hospital and miss it now. I have no idea how long it will take me to completely recover, but I remain Retired from Writing until that time. I hope, some years from now, to totally return to writing weird Lovecraftian fiction--life would not be worthwhile if I cannot.
Many thanks to all for your wondrous support and well-wishes.